Sometimes your partner just makes you want to scream, right? And often, that shriek escapes – though not always in the right direction, at the right time.

Funnily enough, if you look back to the beginning of your relationship, the same things that irritate now probably would’ve made you laugh (if you had noticed them at all).

The difference is the build up of negativity in your love life.

A toxic love life still functions – as long as both people are committed to the relationship; it just does it badly, painfully. But when you start screaming – inside, to your friends, or at your partner – then it’s time to detox your love life.

Clear the air

If you’ve been letting negativity build because you don’t feel like fighting, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You can stall on serious conversations when you need to figure out your feelings, but once you know – you’ve got to share with your partner. Make time to talk, and let your partner know that if it becomes an argument, it’s because you’ve got to deal with the elephant in the relationship.

Lose the technology

Stop, or severely limit, communication with your partner via text messages and emails. Rather than spending your day with an open chat on both of your desktops, aim to have most of your conversations face to face. Save the instant messaging for grocery lists and schedule changes; the subtext in online communication is unhealthy for any relationship.

Remove the “I” from your plans

If you’re in a relationship, especially one you plan to keep, then you can’t make plans for yourself any longer. It’s about a shared life. Are you always telling your partner what just you are going to do, or talking about a shared future? Sure, you can go out with your friends for the evening, but you should be careful of anything more intense than that.

Remember that a love life detox does the same thing as a physical one; it cleanses your systems and removes waste from your life. It’s about letting go of the pain (both that you feel and that you cause) and moving forward.

Take action!

If your relationship needs a detox, there’s no point in waiting until tomorrow to solve it. Every day that passes simply builds on the discomfort of the last. So don’t wait – get to work on your partnership, keeping these tips in mind.

Start slowly

There’s plenty of hurt to overcome.

Don’t be shy

Your partner knows you better than anyone else. So feel free to speak your mind; but from a gentle place not an angry one.

Get out of the house

Sometimes a bit of neutral territory is all you need to break the ice and clear the air.

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Want to learn more about communication and detoxing? Why not check out these posts:

6 ways to detox your communication
Prioritising sex
No time for a break? Guess again

And don’t forget, if you’ve got a detox tip, or a question, you can always post it below. We’ve got a lovely sharing community of folks.