Perhaps you remember that time in your life when you scoffed at the idea of your sex life falling into routine, or slipping away altogether.
You probably even promised yourself that wouldn’t happen in your relationship.
But, it happens all the time, even in relationships firmly rooted in passion.
The death of intimacy usually doesn’t happen because people like their partners less, or because they are less attracted to them (although sometimes these are the causes). Normally a lack of sex, or at least fulfilling sex, has to do with time.
Yep, that 24 hour cycle is the culprit once again. You need to eat, shower, work, work some more, spend time commuting, pay your bills, walk the dog, catch up with your brother, do homework with the children, and much, much more in any given day. Just thinking about it may entice you to stare blankly at the television, rather than head for the bedroom.
But, sex plays a vital role in physical well being. Even more exciting may be the way sex makes you look. Recent studies conducted by the Royal Edinburgh Hospital say women who have sex at least four times a week look up to 10 years younger than they actually are.
It plays an even more critical role in a relationship. Intimacy holds couples together through rough patches in the same way verbal communication can. When it comes down to it, careers and deadlines come and go, but (hopefully) your partner will be there long after you retire and the children have grown. To overcome a lack of sex in your relationship, you’ll need to make a strong relationship one of your main goals.
Now, you know why, but you may be asking yourself how to prioritise your sex life, without making it seem dirty – or even more routine than it already is.
If you have your days planned from the moment you wake up until you finally collapse into bed, then just schedule some personal time for yourself – and your partner. You don’t need to spell out what it’s for, if you don’t want anyone else to see what you’ve written; just make sure there is time together. Then mark your time in red, make it the unmovable part of your day.
Motivated by your to do list?
If you’ve done your goal setting, and instead of filling up time slots, you simply attack the next item on your to do list, then you need to add time for sex to your list. Call it whatever you want, just add it to the list and give it 3 stars, or whatever is your symbol for high-priority work.
Once you’ve added sex to your to do list – and prioritised your relationship in general – try to be cautious of the same time, same position routine. Even if you aren’t feeling adventurous, there is always room for spontaneity (even when it seems planned).
While you’re thinking about slightly neglected areas of your life, take some time to think about other pertinent parts of your life that need a bit more attention from you.
- Perhaps you seriously should schedule a massage every two weeks.
- Or maybe your family splinters into different rooms, as soon the dinner plates are cleared, and you are as guilty as the teenagers.
And, usually busy people fail to make time for reflection. If you can’t remember the last time you spent alone with yourself, take the time to read this post.
If you have a fantastic tip for our readers on prioritising their sex life, please do post it here. You never know; your suggestion may just help repair a relationship.
This post is part of goal setting month on the Rethink Retreats blog
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